new,still lost

[lostson]

Finally decided to join after looking & reading over the past few months. I am perplexed over which tribe I belong to. One of these days I'll get a copy of the pic of the old timers that included my G-G-G gradpa. He was an Apache chief,called "toady" by the whites for the way he carried a bucket. Not very dignified,but that's all I know.
He was tanned,but not dark. A family named Cougar is said to have a pic/painting of him in his chieftan garb. The interesting part is,in her older years,my grandma was a dead ringer for Geronimo! I have to wonder if we too are related?
She was wise in the way of medicinal herbs too. A hard working woman,not easy to get close to. But I succeded in doing so. No greater friend could be had.
Stranger yet,since my wife & I are what are commonly known to pysichics as sensatives,I've experienced some visions & other things. Like one time last year,I found a fry bread recipe from some Apaches & Navahos that gor put on the same res. As I was rolling them out,A native woman's spirit appeared,full color beaded buck skins & all,singing to herself in her native tongue. I was given to know that she was my G-G-G grandma. Funny how these things work. You aren't always "told" things,but given to know them. The best part is,our only daughter looks just like her!
While I know I'm not 100% native,I still hear the drums beating in my head when I get frustrated over life's darker events that befall me. And boy,did I learn to hate people muttering "halfbreed" under their breath. The other kids makin sport of my heritage. Got in a lot of trouble when I pulled my knife on a couple of them. Cathoilic schools of the early 60's didn't take kindly to that sort of thing. But I'm not you...I'm not them...Always felt so lost. Now the years are creeping up on me,& I grow weary of this modern white world. Even though I live & look it,for the most part.....

[kayitah]

A very kind "welcome" from me, lostson. I hope you will eventually find out about your N'de ancestors and, maybe, these boards and the people reading and posting here might be able to help you with that.

Life can be hard and I can feel with anybody who's been going through worries with self-identity, depressions, and comparative troubles. I've been through that myself for much of my life after puberty. Even though it's mostly apparent to me and not to outsiders, it's still a burden - sometimes heavier, sometimes nearly gone.

Marco

[lostson]

Thanks kayitah. I am indeed hoping to find out more about my family,& thus,who I am. Even the German side of my family has been here since 1734. They buried my g-g-g grandpa the Apache chief in our family cemetary on top of our moutain in Corley,WVA. That mountain was known for many many decades as Cogar mountain. Gotta get back there someday,but it's a wild place. Bear & cougar up there. You don't go up there without a 4 wheel drive & a high powered rifle.

[dT]

"And boy,did I learn to hate people muttering "halfbreed" under their breath"

Just a suggestion. Do not lose sleep about being a "half breed". Instead, take great pride in it. Here is one example. Go over to the page of the Comanches. Look at Quanah Parker and who he was. He was half Comanche and half white (his mother was white). He grew up to be a remarkable warrior, and later a great statesman. Truly, this man was exceptionally talented.

dT

[besh]

lostson,
I too am a half-breed & not really accepted by either side. I'm always amused @ the reactions when I point out virtually no one is a full-blooded anything. Moses married an Ethiopian woman back in Bible times; tribes inter-married; Mexicans are a cross between Spanish "Whites" & Indians; American Blacks are a cross w/ Whites... it goes on forever. DNA is proving this constantly. Anyone who judges you by something you had nothing to do w/ is vainly looking for something lacking in their own lives.